Unc Rants: August Kickoffs = BBQ’d Fans

Somebody out here really said college football should start this weekend instead of late August. My brother in Christ, have you ever sat on a metal bleacher in 105° heat? Or worse… those bright red plastic seats in Louisville that soak up the sun until your thighs feel like you’re getting branded by Papa John himself? You don’t “watch” the game, you slow roast with a side of dehydration.

Down South, August football ain’t a sport. It’s a survival challenge. Kickoff’s at noon, sun’s cooking you from above, turf’s frying your shoes from below, and the only thing colder than your Gatorade is the hope of making it to halftime without heat stroke. Even September games are brutal. Ask a Texas or Florida fan how it feels when the field temperature hits 120°. Spoiler: it ain’t “football weather.”

And let’s not forget, half the students aren’t even back on campus yet. So who exactly is filling these “Week -2” stadiums? Your aunt who lives in town? The guy selling kettle corn? If you yank the season forward just to feed TV inventory, you’re not just melting players — you’re gutting the atmosphere. No bands, no students, no juice.

Here’s the truth: football is a fall sport. It’s meant for crisp mornings, hoodies in the stands, and the slow death of your playoff hopes sometime in November. Not heat advisories in August.

So yeah, you could start the season this weekend. But don’t come crying to me when the only thing on ESPN is the world’s first mass in-game IV drip special.

Verdict: Keep August for cookouts, not kickoffs. And keep those Louisville seats for the winter — they’re basically space heaters with cupholders.