Nebraska’s Right to Look Dumb as Hell

Matt Rhule stood tall this week and defended Nebraska’s new black alternate uniforms with the kind of passion usually reserved for a man fighting a parking ticket. Quote of the year: “We have a right to do cool things.”

A right. Like the Constitution was written so the Cornhuskers could wear Iowa State cosplay every October.

The Great Nebraska Civil War: Tradition vs. Cool

See, Nebraska fans are split in two camps:

1. The Old Heads still living in 1995, demanding red jerseys, white pants, and a VHS tape of Tom Osborne handing the ball to a fullback 38 times.
2. The Kids & Recruits scrolling TikTok, begging for blackouts, chrome helmets, and uniforms that don’t look like they were ordered from Eastbay in 2003.

Rhule sided with the kids. And he did it with the confidence of a man who just bought a Milwaukee Power Plunger “because it looked cool.”

The Uniforms Themselves

Let’s be clear: these new Nebraska alternates aren’t even outrageous. They’re just black. No red. No pop. No spark. Just black. It’s Nebraska in witness protection.

You could honestly swap the logos out and call them Rutgers, Wisconsin, Iowa State, or “Team Chaos” in NCAA 26. Hell, Adidas already gave Nebraska jockstrap helmets once, so by comparison these are an upgrade.

But when your fanbase treats sock stripes like sacred artifacts, any change is gonna cause a Facebook riot.

The Food Fight Thread

And that’s where this whole thing went off the rails into a Reddit thread that somehow turned into pizza debates, Taco Bell ads, and arguments over whether hot pink uniforms would be baller or embarrassing.

• One Nebraska fan said, “we have the right to eat an entire pizza for dinner tonight.” Which, yeah, that’s the most Big Ten thing I’ve ever heard.
• Another guy swore every pizza is a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself. Nebraska football, ladies and gentlemen.
• Somebody even brought up Casey’s breakfast pizza, which is honestly more iconic than the new uniforms themselves.

At one point I swear the conversation pivoted from black alternates to black olives.

Imagine Losing in These Things

This is where it gets cruelly funny. Imagine Nebraska doing what Nebraska does best, losing another one-score game, but doing it in head-to-toe black with no red in sight.

You just blew a 4th quarter lead to Purdue while looking like Iowa State’s JV team. Nothing screams “rock bottom” like that.

The Bigger Picture

Here’s the truth: nobody cares if Nebraska’s uniforms are cool. They could wear hot pink flamingo fits, vaporwave jerseys, or camo overalls from Cabela’s. None of it matters until they actually start winning football games.

Because winning fixes everything. If you go 11–1 in jockstrap helmets, they’ll sell out at the bookstore. If you go 5–7 in the cleanest alternates ever made, they’re just Halloween costumes with an Adidas tag.

Final Word from UNC

Matt Rhule is right, Nebraska does have the right to do cool things. The problem is, they haven’t actually done a cool thing on the football field since Y2K.

So wear your blackout jerseys. Wear your flamingos. Hell, wear mesh midriff throwbacks if you want. Just know this: until Nebraska starts winning, every “cool” alternate is just another way for the rest of college football to laugh at you.

Because at the end of the day, the only alternate Husker fans really want is an alternate to going 6–6 every damn year.