🧾 2025 COACHES POLL JUST DROPPED… LET’S COOK.

Preseason rankings are in, and folks are already polishing trophies that don’t exist. That’s right, the Coaches Poll hit the streets like it’s gospel, and fanbases everywhere are losing their damn minds.

Will half of these teams even finish in the Top 10? Hell no.
Will we overreact to this list anyway? Absolutely.

So grab your whiskey, light up that group chat, and let’s run through this thing.

🏆 1. TEXAS

“IS TEXAS BACK?” VOLUME 974
Arch Manning. National title hype. Burnt orange Kool-Aid getting poured by the gallon.
Sark’s got the Ferrari, now he better win Daytona. This is the best team he’s ever had, on paper. But Texas fans don’t give a damn about paper. They want confetti. Or blood. Either works.

🧊 2. OHIO STATE

DAY’S REVENGE TOUR?
Now that Ryan Day finally got the monkey off his back (read: won something that matters), he’s got a squad locked and loaded.
Jeremiah Smith might be illegal in 38 states. Caleb Downs? Assassin.
QB battle still pending, but let’s be honest. Whoever they roll out is gonna throw for 4K and 40 TDs. That’s just how they do it in Columbus.

🦁 3. PENN STATE

DARK HORSE OR PAPER TIGER?
Drew Allar’s got the keys. Singleton and Allen in the backfield. The defense? Nasty.
But here’s the deal. Until they beat Ohio State or Michigan, they’re just the third wheel in a very toxic Big Ten marriage.

🐶 4. GEORGIA

“UNDER THE RADAR” (LOL)
Let’s be clear. Nobody’s sleeping on Georgia. They’re just tired of barking.
Gunner Stockton steps in at QB. The guy’s name sounds like a NASCAR driver, but he can sling it. And Branch transferring in from USC? That boy fast.
Quiet menace vibes from Kirby this year. And that’s terrifying.

🍀 5. NOTRE DAME

IRISH NEED THAT FINISH
Marcus Freeman was this close to shocking the world last year. Now they’re bringing back a murder squad on both sides.
Carr vs. Minchey at QB is fun, but this offense goes as Jeremiyah Love goes. Heisman noise incoming.
Also, they stole a Bama DB (DeVonta Smith). Bold strategy, Cotton.

🐅 6. CLEMSON

DABO RESURRECTED?
Took a few seasons off from relevance, but Clemson stormed back last year and planted a pawprint on the ACC again.
Klubnik’s your field general. But that defensive line? Peter Woods and TJ Parker are gonna hurt somebody.
National title contender? Maybe. Drama? Guaranteed.

🦆 7. OREGON

NEW QB, SAME JUICE?
Dan Lanning’s Ducks aren’t just cute uniforms anymore. They hit.
Dante Moore gets the wheel with Dillon Gabriel out the door, but Evan Stewart’s injury hurts bad. Still, Lanning’s built something sturdy.
Back-to-back Big Ten titles? If they pull that off, rename it the Pac-North.

🐘 8. ALABAMA

POST-SABAN STRESS TEST
Year One under DeBoer felt like eating gas station sushi. Not terrible, not ideal.
Ty Simpson’s the guy now, and he’s got freak WR Ryan Williams on speed dial. The defense is still scary (LT Overton’s gonna wreck fools).
Don’t sleep on Bama. That’s when they hit the hardest.

🐯 9. LSU

IT’S NOW OR NEVER, BRIAN
If Kelly doesn’t make the playoff with this squad, he might never get there.
Nussmeier’s the truth, and Harold Perkins on defense is like having a cheat code.
If it all clicks, LSU could ruin some dreams this fall. Especially yours.

🙌 10. MIAMI

PROVE IT TIME IN CORAL GABLES
Missed the mark last season, but they’ve got the juice.
Carson Beck transfers in and becomes the guy instantly.
Cristobal’s got weapons. If he doesn’t win the ACC or at least sniff the CFP, The U will stand for “Underwhelming” again.

🧾 REST OF THE RANKINGS

AKA CHAOS WAITING TO HAPPEN

11. Arizona State – What the hell? Okay, prove us wrong.
12. Illinois – Bielema’s got the boys in shape. Legit nasty D.
13. South Carolina – Spencer who? It’s the LaNorris Sellers era now.
14. Michigan – Harbaugh’s gone, now we see if the machine still runs.
15. Ole Miss – Lane Train still on the tracks. Don’t let ‘em sneak up.
16. SMU – This ain’t your dad’s SMU.
17. Florida – They’re ranked… which feels weird.
18. Tennessee – Rocky Top is shaky but dangerous.
19. Indiana – Lowkey might beat your team.
20. Kansas State – Sneaky tough every damn year.
    T21. Texas A&M – They’ll win just enough to give fans hope before crushing it.
    T21. Iowa State – Defense, discipline, and pain.
21. BYU – Don’t count ‘em out. Physical as hell.
22. Texas Tech – Bombs away again.
23. Boise State – That blue turf magic never dies.

❗ OTHERS GETTING VOTES

AKA “WE’LL BE RANKED AFTER WEEK 2”

Oklahoma 221 votes but no rank? Brutal.
Missouri, Louisville, USC, Utah — all hovering.
Florida State (8 votes) and Vanderbilt (3 votes) — bless y’all’s hearts.

FINAL THOUGHT

Preseason polls are like your buddy’s hot takes after two beers. Loud, proud, and usually wrong by October.
But damn if it isn’t fun to argue about ‘em anyway.

Strap in. Bet accordingly. Welcome to the madness. 🧾🔥